Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A Pity Party

Okay, i apologise for the epistle about to follow...it is all about me and no cards of any kind...sigh...

Happy TTC Anniversary to me...Yep AF showed up making it officially one year of TTC#2. I'm depressed and moody and ticked off and sad and bummed and having my own little pity party. I'm sick of this crapola of my friends getting preggo the first time they have sex after they decide to TTC. Can you believe I just had 3 of them do that!!! I'm sick of people who don't want babies, getting pregnant when I want one and I can't get preggo. I'm sick of knowing that some of my friends (about 5 of them) who are getting ready to TTC come this spring are all going to get preggo right away while I'm still hanging around TTC. I'm healthy. I'm 29 years old. I eat right, and exercise every day. There is supposedly nothing obviously medically wrong with me. We can afford aanother baby. I have an almost 3 year old who was conceived in our third cycle of trying after waiting and planning for him. We waited and planned for this one and look at us 1 year later wishing we had known it was going to take so long so we could have started TTC sooner.

It's not like we don't have try. Good grief...we can't keep our hands off of each other!!! At an average of four "tries" per week, surely that hits my ovulation day each month...but maybe I need to get those darn OPK's. I just don't see how they will help when we are having sex all the time anyways.

I have no insurance (but will once I get preggo) and I can't afford fertility treatments, so that option is out. Adoption is not an option for our family, neither is foster parenting.

I never even dream about being pregnant nor do I dream about having children other then Seth. Is that weird? Is it a sign that he's supposed to be an only child? Or does it mean nothing at all?

Taking a break from TTC is the other idea...except that how do you take a break from TTC when you enjoy the process and do it all the time?? I never was on the pill, so I'm not going to get on it again. We only used preotection and those are all gone and it will be a cold day in hell before DH "volunteers" to wear one again.

It's just a nasty viscious cycle. I have a ton of people praying for us. We pray for us. But God is telling us either "no" or "not now". I hope it's the later...and I hope that it changes to "okay" soon. I can't handle many more months of this...

Thanks for listening to my sob story...it's just one of those days...

1 Words of Love:

Kim Ross said...

*HUGS* Hope your wish comes true. :)

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